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Her towering four-inch stilettos march off to the office, the store, the judge’s chambers, and her lacquered-red soles send a “follow me” signal, straight to the bedroom.She’s the MD who manages a clinic like a well-oiled machine, or the self-confident Web editor who envisions herself running the company with her combination of tech skills and business savvy.As I’ve studied and worked with women, I’ve discovered that our Beta sisters sometimes feel diminished or threatened by the Alpha prototype—but there is really no cause for this.I am not talking about “good,” “bad,” or “better” people; I am saying that all Alphas and Betas—in other words, all of us—are on a personality continuum, and most of us are a mix, with greater or lesser degrees of both.

She assumes that as an Alpha female she should be partnered with an Alpha male.

Far more important is the degree of each that you have in your personality.

You may be a Beta, with anywhere from a handful to a big helping of Alpha, or an Alpha with strong to middling Beta tendencies, or an extreme Alpha, with practically no Beta at all.

Can you be an Alpha if you’re not a big earner or powerful out in the working world? Lily, a physician and a mother of two, works between fifteen and twenty hours a week to her husband’s seventy-hours-plus. I don’t wear my Alpha on my sleeve.” Like Lily, many strong Betas carve out a niche for themselves within a relationship; they may control the finances or decisions about the children, for example.

“I’m a little afraid of direct confrontation,” Lily says. I look like I’m easygoing and amenable and I don’t always show my forceful side, but I do like to get my way.” Alpha? It isn’t always either/or, and Alpha is not better than Beta.

The problem is, two Alphas will tend to compete for power and dominance.

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